Cally Farr Counselling

M.A.   Registered Clinical Counsellor

Divorce Coach

Divorce Coaching

If you are going through a separation or divorce, you may be finding that the stresses of separation and divorce can take a toll on the entire family. The coaching process provides a unique place for people to identify and understand feelings, values and needs; improve communication; reduce misunderstandings and blame; and develop effective co-parenting skills and on-going positive family interactions.

The Collaborative Family Law process is non-adversarial and client driven. We build a unique team for each couple. This team provides an envelope to contain and support the separation process, and to facilitate creative negotiation. Each person has their own coach and lawyer, who support their client, as well as the whole family.

Because the team is built for each couple, the team may vary for different families. There may be individual legal and coaching sessions, as well as 4 way meetings (both parties meet together with their two coaches or their two lawyers). A child specialist may be engaged to provide a voice for the children, and/or a financial advisor may be involved to look at the long term financial issues. The goal is a positive and respectful settlement of all issues, without going to court.

As a coach, my goal is to work with you to communicate and resolve conflicts effectively with your spouse or partner. I offer a combination of compassionate support and gentle challenge to help you move forward. We will find mutually workable solutions in a creative  environment of respect, safety and support. In coaching sessions you will be part of a process that:

• Guides  you through a difficult time by providing understanding and focus in dealing with co-parenting and communication issues
• Assists in addressing emotional issues that block resolution of problems for a faster, more cost effective and more satisfying outcome
• Helps you improve your communication skills and empower yourself to work creatively with your partner for a positive post-divorce family environment
• Provides direction, guidance and strategies so you can address the needs and concerns of your children

Co-Parenting 

During the separation process, parents are moving from a marriage to a co-parenting business partnership. Coaching can be helpful in developing a co-parenting plan. Creating a co-parenting plan that works is an important tool for ensuring the health and well being of your children. The plan details how the parents will handle activities of daily living and caring for their children. 

We know that children benefit most when parents get along. A workable agreement that everyone can rely on to divide responsibilities can actually reduce stress between family members. Because the parenting plan is a living document that evolves with the changes of your growing children, it is usually revisited regularly to make sure it meets your family's needs.  

Successful co-parenting can be achieved . Research shows that children grow and thrive when their parents maintain and model a positive relationship, working together in a supportive parenting alliance. 

Research also suggests that the following tips can be useful in developing a positive parenting alliance...

1. How you feel about your co-parent is less important than how you act toward her or him.  Putting aside your negative feelings during interactions is definitely in the best interest of your children.
2. Respect your own need for privacy and the other parent’s need for privacy too.  The only information that needs to be shared between co-parents is that pertaining to your children.
3. Each parents’ time with your children is sacred.  Don’t make or change plans for the time your child is scheduled to spend with their other parent.  Honor the pre-arranged schedule.
4. Each parent has the right to develop his or her own parenting style.  As long as no harm is being done, let your co-parent relate to your children in her or his own way.
5. Acknowledge what your co-parent has to offer your child(ren).  Remember the qualities that first attracted you.  Those qualities still exist and are available to your children.
6. Avoid putting children in the middle of the relationship with your co-parent.
7. Expect to feel awkward and uncomfortable about this new way of relating.  Keep affirming your commitment to the new co-parenting partnership and to your children.